Making New Years Resolutions as a Mother
Happy New Year! Welcome to 2019!
This blog post is a little late, as I’ve had some time off over the holiday period to spend some time with my family and calm down after the chaos of Christmas orders.
Today I want to share with you some tips about making new years resolutions. Whether this is your first “new year” as a mother, or you’re blessed with a bunch of children, being a mother can change your goals and inspiration. So let’s take a look at a great way to set new years resolutions that remove the mother guilt or high expectations.
Making New Years Resolutions as a Mother
Let go of cultural expectations
By this, I’m talking about our western culture of having to have it all together, all the time, snapping back to your pre-baby weight overnight, cooking 100% organic home made food in the perfect macro ratios, and buying the best brands from Instagram for your children to wear… you get the idea.
Of course, if these things are really important to you, then own them for you. Not because our culture has made you feel as though these are the things that make you a good person or a good mum.
Reflect on what it is you want for yourself
It’s ok for your goals and ambitions to change when you’re mothering small children. Social media is filled with mums trying to do it all and that’s great if that’s what you want. But it’s also ok to not want that.
I am definitely an ideas person, I have so many new ideas for the boxes and my chiropractic business that I cannot keep up with them! (Putting them into reality, and doing the work, that is a different kettle of fish haha!). Sometimes I get caught up in the ideas and for moments I think gosh I wish the kids would grow up and go to school so I can get stuff done. And I’ve really started to check myself when I think this, because while I love coming up with ideas, my biggest joy is raising my children. My son is almost 4 already, and I can’t believe where that time has gone. So I’ve created a bunch of questions I ask myself when I get caught up in the work mode.
This is just a season.
What’s the rush?
Can this wait until the kids are grown up a little bit more?
Is this more important to me than being a present mother right now?
They are growing so fast, can this new idea wait?
These questions don’t necessarily have to work for you, in fact I would suggest if you get caught up in things like I do, that you make your own questions that resonate with you. These are a means to keep me focused on what I know is the most important thing for me right now - and that is a slow life, being present with my children.
Let go of the guilt and comparisonitis
It can be really difficult to let go of the guilt. When you’re looking after small people, they demand a lot of energy and attention. You’re often living off broken sleep, eating when you get a chance, and just want a little bit of peace and quiet. On top of that, us mothers tend to harbour a lot of guilt about whether we are doing our best job as a mother, or at work, or looking after the house. And guess who comes last… our own wellbeing.
If your goal this year is to have a bit more alone time (read: sanity) so that you’re more present with your kids, or to exercise to feel more energetic, own it! Spending some time away from your children or household tasks and doing something 100% for yourself is not selfish. You shouldn’t apologise or feel guilty for wanting this.
Release the guilt, mama. (I say this, but this is honestly my biggest challenge and I’m still learning how to do this, and one of my goals for 2019 is to stop apologising or saying to my husband “I’ll just be a minute and then I can focus on the kids” - because we are parenting together).
And while you’re at it, stop comparing your life to highlights on someone’s social media page. Just do you.
Don’t make irrational goals
What I mean by this, is once you’re clear on what you want, it’s great to aim big. But aiming big when you’ve got little people blocking you from doing all the work to get there means you might fall short. And that often leads to disappointment. Be realistic, or give yourself some space for it to take longer than you think.
Of course, not everyone falls shorts of their huge goals each year, and if you’re achieving massive things then kudos to you. But these children of ours, they are very unpredictable. Some weeks you may be on a roll and getting things done left, right and centre. Other weeks you may get nothing done (and this is when you need to not let the guilt creep in!).
Make goals you feel like you can keep, or jump back on the wagon if you fall off a bunch of times (rather than waiting til next year to start again).
To finish, I thought I would share a few of my goals for 2019. I am one for specificity, so there are specifics to these goals that I’m leaving out because they are personal to me. But you will get the gist.
Goals for 2019
Be a better friend. Get in contact with my friends more, touch base to see how they are doing. Do the little things that make a friendship flourish. Be there for people even if they weren’t necessarily there for me when I needed.
Move my body everyday. Stop holding onto the idea that it has to be a perfect exercise class. Just move. Include the kids if I have to or find some space to go for a quick run by myself. Maybe buy a running pram (those things are expensive!).
Write all my ideas down in a notebook and get back to them when I have time/space. There is literally no rush. Enjoy the kids while they’re so little and hilarious.
Grow my boxes business one step at a time. It doesn’t matter how long it takes. There is no competition. One mini step forward every spare moment is better than giant steps, then burning out, then doing nothing for months.
I have a few more personal goals that I won’t share here, but you get the idea. My big focus for 2019 is SMALL STEPS. So that I enjoy my children and also enjoy my life a bit more.
Small steps create big habits.
Have you got different goals since becoming a mother? I’d love to hear how they’ve changed.